Every December since 2016, I answer 25 out of the 35 questions in the Proust Questionnaire. It’s so interesting to see how things change, what remains the same, and it always makes me wonder why I answered the way I did (I can’t remember every single detail that made my years significant, because believe it or not, I am really bad at keeping up with the habit of journaling religiously).
The Proust Questionnaire has its many origins, but for me, I just discovered this through an issue of Vanity Fair magazine that I picked up at Habitual Coffee. [edited: November 2018]
I woke up one day and remembered that I did this four years ago and didn’t get to do the 2019 one because, well, I didn’t. Here it is now! [edited: July 2020]
Ah, 2020 was a whirlwind of elation and pain for me. I wasn’t able to answer this last year, but I still added 2020 because I claim to have vivid emotional memory and also because I am nitpicky like that.
As for 2021, heh. Here we go!
- What is your idea of perfect happiness?
2016: Stability
2017: Peace
2018: Still peace
2019: Stability
2020: Connection
2021: Unconditional love
2. What is your greatest fear?
2016: balloons
2017: still balloons, house lizards, and not being able to pay my bills and tuition fee
2018: losing control and my cool
2019: not being able to find a job after graduating from postgrad
2020: being a failure
2021: ending up alone
3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
2016: not being good enough for the people who I think mattered to me
2017: not having wisdom to discern other people’s character
2018: I don’t know how to relax
2019: doubting myself every damn time
2020: apathy towards people who hurt me
2021: the core belief that I am not good enough for anything
4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?
2016: insincerity
2017: people who love to gain sympathy and favor through gossip
2018: mediocrity and slow to act
2019: one-track minds
2020: arrogance
2021: insensitivity
5. What is your greatest extravagance?
2016: food
2017: the things I bring home from my travels (necessary and unnecessary haha!)
2018: the things I invest in preparation for my comprehensive exams in 2019
2019: I booked a domestic flight and a reservation for an expensive (but secluded) restaurant 4 days before my birthday
2020: essential groceries
2021: quite an expensive coffee machine (at least by my standards) + the iPad Air 4
6. What is your current state of mind?
2016: chaos and guilt
2017: how am I supposed to know the difference between express and rapid express trains?? (I was in Japan during this time)
2018: steady but flimsy
2019: will I actually finish graduate school on time?
2020: will I actually find a job that would make me feel happy?
2021:will I ever be loved?
7. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
2016: being understanding… people always fail
2017: being too modest
2018: patience
2019: virtue signaling
2020: unity
2021: tact
8. What do you most dislike about your appearance?
2016: my complexion
2017: still my overall complexion
2018: yep. still my overall complexion
2019: I can’t believe this.
2020: my thighs (we finally did something about that overall complexion YES!)
2021: my chin
9. What is the quality you most like in a man?
2016: honesty and integrity
2017: maturity and knowing which battles to fight
2018: decisiveness… and acting on it
2019: integrity
2020: patience
2021: humility
10. What is the quality you most like in a woman?
2016: independent
2017: a good sense of humor
2018: straight-forwardness. the restraint and self-control it takes for a woman of real integrity to not talk about other people behind their back is such an admirable trait for me.
2019: bravery
2020: humility
2021: assertiveness
11. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
2016: Other people could probably vouch for me because I’m really not aware
2017: At work: Noted with thanks.
2018: Heeeey…….
2019: I hope this email finds you well
2020: not to be that bitch, but…
2021: Y’ALL
12. What or who is the greatest love of your life?
2016: haha I cannot believe this.
2017: my mom. and coffee.
2018: eeey i’m 26 and single and-
2019: i’m still single and honestly happy
2020: i was too focused on graduating from graduate school this year
2021: writing
13. When and where were you happiest?
2016: in Jeju Island
2017: Batanes
2018: When I quit my job
2019: Ateneo and Tokyo
2020: home
2021: still home
14. Which talent would you most like to have?
2016: Mental math and cooking
2017: Drawing
2018: still drawing… and mental math
2019: drawing-
2020: public relations
2021: making fan art
15. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
2016: my height
2017: to stop being so hard on myself all the time
2018: to accept things in their natural pace and that i don’t have to be in control of everything all the time
2019: my crippling anxiety and self-doubt
2020: my tendency to overthink
2021: we’re back to crippling anxiety and self-doubt, people.
16. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
2016: still alive and living on my own
2017: our online business, Common Space. it didn’t last long, but I’m very grateful for its very short lifespan
2018: quitting my job, passing my psychotherapy oral exams (we had to be a therapist to a real-life client with a real-life mental health problem), getting my research assistant application approved for the developmental project I was hoping for
2019: gaining a wider perspective about people and the world in general (I used to consider myself “sheltered” when I was still a teacher)
side note about 2018: that developmental project turned out to be the reason why I was able to graduate on time [edited: July 2020]
2020: graduating graduate school during a goddamn pandemic
2021: managing to get into a job I really like doing
17. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
2016: an expensive coffee-maker… so I can sniff myself all-day
2017: to be an orange or red leaf in autumn
2018: to be a Korean actress and act as the leading lady of Lee Dong Wook (there is no judgment in this space leave me alone)
2019: to be a tangerine inside Min Yoongi’s pocket
2020: to be one of Jeon Jungkook’s tattoos
2021: to be Bam (Jeon Jungkook’s dobberman)
18. Where would you most like to live?
2016: Jeju, South Korea
2017: The Netherlands
2018: Kyoto, Japan
2019: Japan
2020: Japan
2021: Japan
19. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
2016: being alone
2017: not having true friends
2018: losing my mom
2019: losing my mom
2020: being a failure and not able to recover
2021: losing my mom
20. What is your most marked characteristic?
2016: people say I’m very independent. HA. so they thought…
2017: my teeth
2018: still my teeth. and my smile.
2019: my teeth and my smile broke a record
2020: my eyes
2021: we will go back to teeth and smile because really?
21. What do you most value in your friends?
2016: loyalty
2017: loyalty
2018: loyalty, trustworthiness, and their time
2019: their ability to listen
2020: connection
2021: to just be there
22. What is it that you most dislike?
2016: loud people
2017: loud people, people who gossip in their spare time, favoritism, and people who compare what they have/receive from others who have more
2018: SLOW… PEOPLE… and traffic
2019: people who cannot be bothered
2020: arrogance during a goddamn pandemic
2021: people who are too… aggressive when it comes to their political beliefs just so they can prove a point to the void
23. What is your greatest regret?
2016: not being able to use my best judgment
2017: investing in the wrong crowd
2018: not giving myself enough time to rest and recover
2019: not taking up Psychology as my undergraduate degree
2020: not being home more often
2021: this year, I don’t think I have one.
24. How would you like to die:
2016: quickly and quietly
2017: feeling fulfilled and being able to raise a generation after me
2018: gently and warmly in my bed, surrounded by family
2019: quietly with family
2020: quietly with family
2021: quickly and quietly with family
25. What is your most treasured possession?
2016: there’s this box where all my letters and photos from high school up to present are in it
2017: still that box
2018: still that box…
2019: now that I think about it… I somehow learned how to not get too attached to material objects
2020: ah. my personal assets.
2021: personal assets and the stuff I write
